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Hello:
My brother is 18 years old and he has become a threat to me and my family. He always fights with my mom. The other time he was about to hurt my mom so I have to get in the way. He’s 18 and he’s failing classes and he doesn’t want to help at home he’s just there watching TV and going out with his friends. He doesn’t want to obey our home rules; he comes very late at home. He also had a few fights with 3 teachers at his school. He was send to the psychologist but it didn’t work he got more violent.
When we ask him to help at home he starts yelling and punching the walls, and he get so angry that is very hard to control him. Then when the fight is over he cries I don’t know why.
We are very disappointed at him; we never did anything to create this violent attitude.
He also says that he hates our mom, the other time he threw a finger to my mom.
So we are looking for a place to recruitment him and get him treatment
at home his just going crazy and we don’t want him to be there anymore
but we can’t just throw him out the house.
What can we do?
Liam, Thank you for the question. I really admire your courage to seek help with your situation. I’m sorry to inform you that many programs don’t accept 18 year old’s, as they are now adults. With that being said, the harsh truth, is that your brother needs to take responsibility for his actions. Being an adult, I would encourage you and your family to consider having him move out. You can “just throw him out of the house”, though I understand the hardships you face in doing so.
I don’t know if you read my background, but I was a very rebellious, defiant, violent teenager. Arguments with me resulted in cussing, breaking furniture or walls, and threatening those closest to me. I eventually got the boot from my parents. I went to rehab, went to a residential facility and “relearned” how to take responsibility for the choices that I make.
The counselor at school didn’t help, as your brother probably felt isolated. I encourage you to look into family counseling. This way, as a family, you aren’t isolating your brother. Get counseling together to learn how to live together. There are great counselors that really get the problems when it comes to aggressive behavior. The total transformation might be worth checking out too.
Is there a father in the home? You hadn’t mentioned it. I know letting go of family is next to impossible, but how long will you let an adult (your brother) abuse you and your family?