Recognizing the signs of aggressive teens can sometimes be very obvious, and sometimes it can be A LOT more work. Aggressive teens are not having a need met. This could go along with many other situations parents find themselves in with their teens. For example, substance abuse or sexual activity are a result of a need not being met.
You are now hopefully asking, “Well what need does my teen have right now that I can’t see?”. Or, “How can I meet this need that they have?”. Big questions are great, because they require big answers. For starters, all parents who are parenting aggressive teens, whether single, married, divorced, etc.., need a value system that their family abides by. Do you have one? Good. No? You need to figure out what your family values.
For example, my family does not tolerate cussing at each other. When it happens, the conversation is over until the “cusser” can cool down, and abide by what the family values. That is only one area where a value system can really help.
Could it be that your teen is learning their aggressive behavior from somewhere else? If you’re married, how do you interact with each other? My mother wrote a great blog about how her marriage effected her teen children. I KNOW! Your saying, what do you know?!! Please, I beg of you…, read the article.
So, identify the need. Maybe your teen wants to see their parents interact respectfully. Maybe your aggressive teen picked up their behavior from somewhere and they don’t know how to handle their anger and they become hostile. You teen’s consequences probably aren’t working, because the only reaction your teen knows, is to become aggressive.
You can communicate with your teen and teach them new ways of interacting, new ways of dealing with dissapointment, discouragement, and anger.
We hope this helped you. If you are finding it really difficult to learn how to parent your aggressive teen, I encourage you to find therapy or counseling. Professional help really does go a long way, and a lot of the time they can get to the root of the problem fast! If you are up to trying something on your own first, The Total Transformation has served thousands of families with great personal testimonies and reviews.
Jordan,
You mentioned that an aggressive teen has a need that is not being met, and I started thinking about needs and desires. Could it be that an aggressive teen has wants and desires, not necessarily needs, that are simply not being fulfilled in the way that he or she would like, so his/her preoccupation with that unmet desire overshadows everything else, including acting like a decent human being?
Barb